I have been thinking about starting to write on here again. I've been thinking a lot, which we all know isn't healthy for me to do alone. I guess today came with its own straw, the last one.
Someone I rather like told me I was probably very hard to make happy, because I've been bitching about the (insert multiple and various expletives) Lafourche Central Market. See this is supposed to be a wondrous thing. A farmer and fishermen oasis. A centralized location for these industrious people to congregate and sell their hard-won wares to the public (me). I read the grant. It reads idealized, but Lafourche Parish, which is 1.5 hours long, needs something like this. Especially because every other farmer's market looks like a f*(&%*&(^*(%&^ing craft show only without the imagination or usefulness one might usually expect from a craft show.
So I packed up my reusable bags and drove half an hour to get to this wonderful place I have been dreaming of and hoping for only to find a g*^$DAMNED MOTHER*(&^&*^$&*^%ING SON OF A BUGGERED PUSTULE BESOTTED WHORE ON AN UNDULATING SPERM SALESMAN'S BALLSACK OF A F*&^^^G CRAFTSHOW. Oh and like 6 pumpkins, I counted. Needless to say, I was not happy. I was very very not happy.
Because I had read what they wrote to get the money to create this place, and no where, NO WHERE DID IT MENTION BABY CLOTHES OR HAIR ACCESSORIES "CUTE AND QUIRKY" which is the sort of bull shit businesses I've been forced to write occupational licenses for this "Central Crap Market" All Month Long.
So this person says to me that it must "take a lot to make you happy." Faaak. Oh like farmers, produce and seafood at a farmers market? Yes, it takes a crap ton. Let me illustrate. This is what we have at our "Central Crap Market" (real photo actually stolen from FB):
And this is a photo from the Cocoa Beach Farmer's Market, where I lived and shopped for two years:
And here is the Farmer's Market in Union Square in New York where I shopped for 6 years:
And here is the dried fruit stand at the San Lorenzo Market in Florence, Italy they had on weekends where you could get the freshest kind of any food imaginable from sausage to fish to fruit to olives to herbs to cheese straight from the artisans (I only got to shop here for a year):
Perhaps these people in Lafourche have never seen an actual farmer's market. Maybe that is the issue. Me? I have seen them, loved them, and I miss them so bad it makes me bleed inside. And here I end my diatribe about this one topic.
But I will end this talking about things that make me happy, because there are like, two or so.
First off, I'm going to tell you what does NOT make me happy.
People that post all sorts of political opinions on FB, then get all pissy when people loudly disagree with them. What, did you really think you were going to be the only loud and obnoxious dipshit? Did you think all the other dumbasses out there who happen to not agree with you were just going to sit back and take all your half-truths that are meant, let's face it, to incite, piss-off, and generally stir up crap from the other side?
Here is some wisdom, an age old adage from the "North Side" of Jacksonville, FL: Don't start none, won't be none.
Something else about all this political bs that has taken over FB, is that so many people are just re-posting CRAP. Like all they see is that "Hey this lambastes the other side, so I'm going to post it and hope for a reaction, it must be true, after all." Does anyone stop to think, hey, maybe this ISN'T true. Maybe even if it is true, I should save it for a one-on-one debate. Maybe I shouldn't muck up Mary's newsfeed with crap and bullshit and BOOOOORRRRINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG?
HEY YOU GUYS, DEEP QUESTION: Do you think that, like, anyone, like, ever, has had their political views, like, changed because of a FB post or a particularly scathing comment? They were like, ZING! I guess I'm a DEMOCRAT now!
So then, I think I really am ahead of the curb--that was a phrase that came about because of some dumbass doctors that (am here I am supposing) got their degrees from DeVry or a Cracker Jack box who thought a shot of Demeral would get rid of a head-ache I had had for, at that point, three days (I went to the emergency room at 5 days)--because I have a secret, and I will now un-secretfy it: YOU CAN THINK FOR YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!
HOLY CRAP, CALL YOUR MOTHERS!
(Tell them too.)
And if you don't start thinking for yourselves two things are going to happen. One is: Someone truly awful is going to win this election. It could be the end of the United States of America. (Either Obama or Romney, they're both entitled, lying, evil shitbags who don't care about me, you or your children, but that, as we ALLLLLLLLLL know is way beside the point, what really matters is who looks best on tv, who can make us feel the most secure and who makes us think the least. God DAMN I hate you all.) Ahem, sorry, mental indigestion.
I am so disappointed in you. All of you. Each and every one of you disappoints me on a daily basis.
You are scared of your own minds, you don't want to make your own decisions. You pride yourselves on listening to "edgy" talk shows like Walton & Johnson. Do you know that the only woman caller I haven't heard ridiculed on their show admitted to eating bull testicles and being faithful to her husband and pleasuring him and/or cooking him a hot meal once a day. They are sooooo frikking edgy, like 1950's edgy. They are right-wing bullies. They make statements and don't provide checkable facts,
they bully women callers and anyone who doesn't agree with them. On Father's Day they held a contest to send a dad to the Bunny ranch. Now maybe that's all nice and good for dads who are divorced, single dads for a long time running, GO TEAM GET SOME HOOKER ASS. But MY father's identity is pretty well ingrained in his family and his WIFE now how about a little appreciation for THAT sort of lifestyle? And as soon as a WOMAN called to voice any opposition all they could do was make fun of her, I couldn't even discern a viable argument. I would love to agree with them, I would love to say yizzah!! Ain't that the truf! But all I keep hearing is a bunch of misogynistic bullshit without backing and I just switch back to NPR, plus, NPR's commercials are much less annoying.
I say if you are the 10% or whatever the heck you claim to be, take the calls, defend your position, don't be intimidated by puny women or men named Mundo. I wanted so badly to be impressed by you but every time you come up against something, you don't have reasons to explain why you are right and they are wrong. In my opinion, you are men with small penises and inferior oral sex skills to make up for anything. And all together it is a bad scene esp. cuz you already showed badly in the women's rights and general political know-how arena. But you can go ahead and skewer me because no one knows me, and your skewering skills suck. Oh no! You might tell people not to like me! And gosh, those edgy people you keep filling up with compliments with how smart and edgy they are might not like me. I'm intimidated. Or I don't give a crap. The right doesn't need your help, you misogynist twats. Let's move on.
Right, so I was going to end on a positive note and here I'm talking from the future. Yes! THE FUTURE!!!!
So here is what I love: The Palafox Farmer's Market in Pensacola, FL (This is one of the best I've ever been to, they combine food artisans and craft artisans without being obnoxious and with quality goods. Color me impressed and kinda in love with Matt's Moms Mustard [omg the roasted garlic I went through in a week] and those purple tomatoes) and the Castle Doctrine (I was going to say boobs, but those aren't even a little controversial).
Love,
Mary.
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